Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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