Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
