dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I need moral support for this bender
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize