are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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