I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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