Well douche your snatch and let's go!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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