Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
