I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
