If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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