I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
