He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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