I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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