i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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