i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
