Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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