Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
