did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
