Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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