he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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