Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
