We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I cut my penus on the lid.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
