so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
