____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
