When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
