I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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