I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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