All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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