I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize