Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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