He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
barbara walters just said penis...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She told me I should be a condom model.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
