I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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