yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
