Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
