You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize