There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
