Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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