What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Even my vagina gasped.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
