he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize