i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
