Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
