I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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