I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
