Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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