she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
