Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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