I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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