So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
