May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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