So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
