As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
