You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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