So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
