Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I've blown a few things in my day
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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