If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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