omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I understand Curling. That high.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize