Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
