I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
