We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
