You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
someone owes me an orgasm
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
false alarm, still single
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
