She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
