He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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