His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
