; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
