Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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