Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Lo siento on account of my penis...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
