she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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