My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
