Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize