vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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