Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
