Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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