I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize