Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
the liver wants what the liver wants
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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