Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
