cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
