I wish I could teleport
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
