I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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