maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
