Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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