It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
