I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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