Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
