you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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