you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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