is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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