this beer tastes like vomit already
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
