I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
