Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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