Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
