How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
