she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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