hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
