his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
