Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
