i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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