Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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