wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
