I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
