she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize