Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
