He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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